Shayne ♥’s Blog

“i closed my eyes and the flashback starts, i’m standing there. ü”

so yeah, haha i’m still awake and i’m really not in the mood to make another wallowing type of blog with all the heartaches and love thinggy. No, i’m over that for now. hahaü

i don’t know, i just felt like blogging non sense and all that haha ♥

so maybe this is a stream of conciousness type of blog
so i’m gonna type whatever i feel like typing haha.ü

so now it’s 12:49am and i’m wide awake and full of energy.. and i’m actually soundtrippin. i just updated my friendster profile and my acct in facebook check em out haha
gosh, i’m lingering in memory lane NOW. haha weird i know, i shouldn’t be though haha
so yeah it just feels weird that i still feel giddy and all the butterflies in my tummy everytime i remember the USED TO BE’s. and it just hurts big time knowing that all i have are memories. could it be possible to have the COULD’VE BEEN’s?SHOULD’VE’s? i don’t know. in time we’ll know.ü

yeah i gotta admit, i STILL love you but I just do not WANT you anymore. why? i don’t know.. i just got tired knowing i was waiting for NOTHING.ü and i realized that if you REALLY love me that much and that if you wanted me back, you would do something about it. but you didn’t,you wouldn’t and you never will.ü

i’m not trying to relive the hurt or whatsoever, i’m just trying to speak my mind now. you know.. me being vocal to what i really feel and what is going on inside my friggin mind
now, i know someday we’ll both be looking back to OUR history.. and i also know we will be laughing at our old dumb selves.ü

coz I though YOU already are the ONE. but i was wrong PERFECTLY WRONG.ü

so you don’t have to worry about me interrupting your peaceful life coz i don’t and i wouldn’t care anymore.  and i realized that sometimes i gotta do myself a favor: TO TRY AND TRY TO LEAVE NOW BEFORE I GET 6 FEET UNDER BECAUSE OF THE DAMAGE THIS LOVE HAS CAUSED ME.

“..there is something i see in you.. it might kill me.”

yeah it’s killing me, little did i know that you are the person who’s gonna kill my soul. that fragile part of me..

so now, to end this.. maybe someday when we see each other again.. we’ll both be saying..

“..we were both young when i first saw you..ü”

Can’t you be SENSITIVE enough? Can’t you even see that I AM IN PAIN and still, you DON’T CARE at all?What’s wrong? You make it seem like I am nothing to you. All i’m asking is care. Show me that I AM SPECIAL, the same way I DO TO YOU. I can’t live with this forever. It maybe your call, but I AM already TIRED of this game you want me to play. You have exceeded MY PATIENCE. YOU HAVE CROSSED THE LINE.
Your complexity makes me wonder sometimes, ARE YOU REALLY WORTH IT? We get to this point all the time. You are so UNPREDICTABLE. I can’t bear with this coz’ I dont think I DESERVE IT. Can’t you just be MORE CONSISTENT?

WHAT IF WE’RE NOT REALLY GOING ANYWHERE, WHERE DOES THAT LEAVE ME? Don’t you even think that it’s SO UNFAIR?

I have given a lot. I have showed a lot. But I didn’t gain anything from it. Just the realization that maybe it really isn’t you after all.

So now, I’M GONNA DO IT YOUR WAY. NO MORE EFFORTS. NO MORE. YOU HAVE CROSSED THE LINE. I AM TIRED. I AM IN PAIN, YET YOU STILL DON’T CARE.

I GIVE UP.